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    Wednesday, Feb. 25, 2009 – irritation abounds

    So my daughter is irritated with me, my aunt has given me what for, all in love of course. Too much Mary Lu strikes again. At least I’m consistent, yes? Give me, I want, I’ve gotta have, I don’t like, gotta have new – too much Mary Lu! Just do it. I’m trying to just do it. Or am I? I’m really good at blowing smoke. Too much bull shit, Mary Lu

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    Sunday, Feb. 22, 2009 Stirred up

    I’m in a little bit better place today, more or less. I am remembering the two years I went to see the psychiatrist back in 1981-83, before Mike. I would go to the doctor’s office every week and he would ask me questions or suggest ideas that would get my dander up. I would tussle and wrestle with myself. I’d leave his office angry and stew. When I returned the following week, I would tell him how angry he made me and how frustrated I was. He would smile and tell me that it wasn’t his job to make me…

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    February 18, 2008 – roller coaster

    I’m totally freaking out tonight. I’ve been “hit on all sides” of every insecurity I’ve ever had. Money worries, weight gain, job insecurity, and in general fear of the future. I don’t want to be a grown up anymore. I want to curl up in a corner and have a good cry. I want to feel safe, and I don’t.

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    February 5, 2009 – Group Class Round 2

    Last night’s group class found me with a larger gathering of women. Each one has her own story and her own dilemma, but we do have the commonality of frustration and pain when it comes to this damn weight issue. I really like the doctor who leads us. We discussed how hunger feels, looks and how we are aware or unaware of ourselves. It all seemed so trite to me until she asked me for my feeling and BAM, the tears and anger began to flow. I felt like an idiot. I think the surprise of the night for me…