Sunday, Feb. 28, 2009 – Tell me spring is coming

I have this idea that when spring comes my mental attitude will improve. Is that possible? Hope so.

The lap band makes no difference whether I feel full or otherwise. It seems in the morning I’m swollen and then I feel restriction, but as the day goes by, I feel nothing. I get hungry and eat. I plan what I eat for the most part, but I still nibble on junky stuff.

If I look at the successes – well, I have stopped eating bread. I’ve stopped drinking soft drinks. I don’t really miss either one. I do eat fat free crackers, so I do get carbs, but they satisfy that carby need, with way fewer calories. I drink tons of water and take vitamins faithfully. I think these changes are worth feeling good about.

Change takes time and I guess I’m taking baby steps – tiny, tiny baby steps.

I keep hearing that we aren’t suppose to view our eating habits as a diet. But really, it is. We are suppose to change how we eat. Problem is, again, if I could do that, I would have done it before the lap band.

Thursdays group was fun for me. I am enjoying the people immensely and do feel a sense of camaraderie developing.

Yes, I still feel whiny and stirred up when I leave the meetings, but I think that’s OK. Retraining brain waves certainly causes internal skirmish. I expected something. I knew getting the lap band was going to be difficult. I wasn’t sure what to expect and I didn’t know where the difficulty would present itself. I was hoping the difficulties would come later than sooner. I was hoping it would be easier to change my ways once the lap band was put inside, but it’s NOT!

I don’t want to feel resentful toward the band, but if I am being honest, I did want it to be more of the magic bullet than it’s being. Still, I do have hope and believe the little steps will eventually get me there.

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