A friend sent this tidbit to me.  It made my whole  day;

Recently, in a large city in France, a poster featuring a young, thin and tanned woman appeared in the window of a gym. It said, “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”

A middle-aged woman, whose physical characteristics did not match those of the woman on the poster, responded publicly to the question posed by the gym.

To Whom It May Concern,
Whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, sea lions, curious humans.)
They have an active sex life, get pregnant and have adorable baby whales.
They have a wonderful time with dolphins stuffing themselves with shrimp.
They play and swim in the seas, seeing wonderful places like Patagonia, the Bering Sea and the coral reefs of Polynesia.
Whales are wonderful singers and have even recorded CDs.
They are incredible creatures and virtually have no predators other than humans.
Whales are loved, protected, and admired by almost everyone in the world.
Mermaids don’t exist. If they did exist, they would be lining up outside the offices of Argentinean psychoanalysts due to identity crisis. Fish or human? They don’t have a sex life because they kill men who get close to them, not to mention how could they have sex? Just look at them … where is IT? Therefore, they don’t have kids either. Not to mention, who wants to get close to a girl who smells like a fish store?

The choice is perfectly clear to me: I want to be a whale.

**** my own thoughts here *****

I must want to be a whale.  Otherwise why do I continue to make the choices I do.  I must be perfectly content being a non-compliant lap band patient.  Stop eating M&M’s? Bread, Pizza??  I’ve spent a world of money trying to make my body different than it is. Money is not a magic prescription, neither is a lap band. Nothing is easy.

I am in my second year with the lap band.  I have lost 40 consistent pounds, 10 plus or minus after that.  I wish it were easier, but it isn’t. I wish I was more open to change. 

I keep thinking that at the age of 54 if I haven’t changed by now, I never will.  I just wish I could let it go, forgive myself and not obsess about it, but I’m simply not wired that way either.  My brain doesn’t let anything go.  That’s the problem.

I went to see Sally this week.  She wants me to consider using the book, The Four Day Win, to repattern my brain.  I am intrigued by the notion that I could repattern my brain, but seriously doubt it would work.  I imagine this doubt, alone, would compromise any success. Hasn’t that always been the case?

Beached whale isn’t good.  Happy, swimming whale  – ahhhhhh orca.