With the morning snow, Fred and I postponed our departure for Fort Wayne. We are having a Harry Potter Marathon instead. The dog and cat are fighting for spots on our laps. Eggnog, cookies and barbecued meatballs fill our bellies as the the critters whine for some goodies too.  Bliss.

I’m struggling with my feelings about food again.  My mother-in-law asked me how the band was doing.  Doing? With all the fluid taken out and now being slowly returned, once a month – I can say the band is doing nothing.  I’m eating like a starved prisoner who has found a feast waiting unexpected freedom.  What really makes me angry about this whole thing is that the first months of the band being put in, well it was heaven. The freedom was in the lack of hungry I experienced. Now I’m hungry all the time.  The freedom was not being able to swallow unless I chewed everything into liquid. Now I can gulp down whatever I want.  I remember crying with joy when the thought of eating was the last thing I wanted to do.  I want that feeling back.  I’ve had the band for more than a year now. I lost an initial 40, then I gained and lost about 20 more pounds in the last three months.  I lost it because of the hernia & surgery, then gained it because the band was empty.  Arg.